This is a talk still yet to be given but my great friend wrote it so here it is enjoy it read it....
Abstinence means not being sexually active. Abstinence is defined as what is NOT happening to a person's body. In other words, no sex.
Chastity is different from abstinence because it is defined by what a person IS doing with their sexuality. It means having the strength to use your sexuality according to God's plan, whether a person is in a relationship or not. In short, abstinence ends in marriage, while chastity holds marriage together.
Living a pure, chaste lifestyle brings freedom, respect, peace, and romance-- without regret!
For an unmarried person, it is sexuality dedicated to hope-- saving sex for marriage. An unmarried person who has already had sex can still choose to be chaste by starting over. For the married and the unmarried, it means having reverence for the gift of sex.
Your virginity was never meant to be “lost,” as if it were misplaced somewhere. It is meant to be given as a gift to the one who deserves it: your husband.
Sharing the gift of sex is like putting a piece of tape on another person's arm. The first bond is strong and hurts to remove it. Shift the tape to another person's arm and the bond will still work but it will be easier to remove. Each time this is done, part of the each person remains with the tape. Soon it is easier to remove because of the residue from the various arms interferes with the tape's ability to stick. The same is true in relationships, where previous sexual experiences interfere with the ability to bond.
Chastity is a virtue that defends love from selfishness and frees us from using others as objects. it makes us capable of authentic love. Living this virtue will purify your hears, heal your memories, strengthen your will, and glorify God with your body, mind and heart.
The easiest way to know if you are ready to have sex is to look at your left hand. If you do not see a wedding ring, you are not ready for sex. This may seem like a simplistic answer, but look at the logic behind it. What does it mean to be ready for sex? Physiologically, we are able to have sex long before we are ready for it. Every aspect of the person is affected: the body, heart, mind, soul, and future. Just because your body is ready, does not mean you are ready.
It's important to understand what sex is, then it becomes clear when we are “ready” to have sex.
We are commonly told with regards to sex, “Just say no.” Why? “Because sex before marriage is bad.”
Sex outside of marriage doesn't become moral because both people are okay with it. Just as we did not create ourselves, we do not create the moral law.
If God is the one who created moral law, why did He reserve sex for marriage?
One obvious explanation is that sex makes children, and children belong in families. But there is an even more profound reason, which is written on our hearts: just as people speak a language with their words, they also speak a language with their bodies.
Sex is saying wedding vows with your body instead of your voice. It is making a complete gift of yourself to another person.
Consequently, it is obvious that premarital sex is dishonest- it is a lie in the language of the body. With your body, you are saying, “I give myself to you entirely. There is nothing more of me that I could give you,” but in reality, there is no such commitment and gift of self. The gift is reduced to a loan or a lease because the body Is given to the other temporarily.
In other words, only in marriage can one be “ready” for sex.
Sometimes, people who are intimate in ways short of sex stay together for a time. Usually, however, this becomes old and the couple pushes back the boundaries trying to find new levels of excitement and closeness. Before long, all that's left is sexual intercourse. Often, a couple will share the gift of sexual arousal to feel closer, but in the long run, the couple's impatience for sexual oneness tends to end up causing their separation. Couples who sleep together before they are married have a divorce rate three times as high as couples who save that gift for their wedding night. This is because the couple depends on physical pleasure to feel close to one another since they do not know how to express love in other ways. They would be much closer if they entrusted the relationship to God, and made sacrifices together to glorify Him. Love always involves struggle, so if they are both willing to be generous with God, this will create a union between their hearts that no physical pleasure can match.
Purity will become their superglue.
Living the virtue of chastity now means that you cherish your future marriage more than passing pleasures. Living with a pure heart will also prepare you to be a better wife because you will learn how to express intimacy without always needing to be physical.
So, HOW FAR IS TOO FAR?
If we are asking how close to sin we can get boys, we are asking the wrong question. We need a change of heart. We need to start asking, “how close to God can I get him? How far can I go to lead this guy to holiness and guard his innocence?”
PURITY NEVER RUINS A LOVING RELATIONSHIP> If the relationship is based on lust, purity will end it. But if the relationship is based on love, purity wills save it.
The more innocence you save, the greater your joy will be to share it on your wedding night.
Women have power. By the way we dress, by the way we dance, by the way we carry ourselves, we can invite a man to be a gentleman or a beast.
That's why modesty Is called the guardian of love. Without having to say a word, it sets the standard of respect. But we will never convince a man of our dignity until we first convince ourselves. Your body is a tabernacle, a dwelling place for God, not a collection of body parts. If you don't realize this, how will a guy?
Modest dress manifests pure womanhood, and this is the first line of defense for the virtue of chastity.
Winning this battle takes faith in Christ, dedication, commitment, honesty with ourselves and others, and a willingness to make sacrifices and deny our own selfish desires.
PORNOGRAPHY AND MASTURBATION
When Jesus warned that anyone who looks lustfully at a woman commits sin with her in his heart, (Matt. 5:28) he spelled it out in no uncertain terms that it is not enough to avoid pregnancy or STDs. It is not even enough to avoid impure sexual contact; we must also resist impure sexual thoughts and looks.
Not only should we wait for our future husband's with our bodies, but with our minds. Jesus said the pure in heart shall see God.
The problem with pornography is not simply that it shows too much, but that it shows too little. It reduces a woman to nothing more than her body. Thus a man will assume that the greater the body, the greater the value of the woman.
Wouldn't it infuriate you if a guy looked at your best friend or your mom in the way he looked at pornography.
Sexuality is meant to be a gift between a husband and a wife for the purpose of babies and bonding. When it is taken out of that context the gift is degraded-- and in the case of masturbation, altogether ceases being a gift. The purpose of sexuality is abandoned, because the center of the sexual act becomes “me” instead of “we” and the person is trained to look to themselves for sexual fulfillment.
Instead of living trying not to offend God, live life trying to glorify Him. Live each moment as an act of worship to God. Instead of seeing temptations of lust as obstacles to holiness, see overcoming then as the very means to holiness. Certainly this involves avoiding temptations and saying “no” to sin, but the motivation is the “yes” of true love.
“How do I know if I should break up the guy I'm dating?” Ask yourself the following questions: Has my relationship with him brought me closer to God? Can I see myself marrying him? Would I like my children to grow up to be just like him? Do my parents approve of him? Is he one-hundred percent faithful? Do I feel honored, safe, and respected around him? Is he clean of any drug, alcohol, or pornography problems? Does he bring out the best in me? Does he love God more than he loves pleasure? Does he respect my purity? Can I honestly say that the relationship is emotionally, physically, spiritually, and psychologically healthy? Has the relationship brought me closer to my family and my friends? Ideally, you should be able to answer with an emphatic “YES!!” to all of the questions. The more negative answers you have, the more reasons to think twice about the relationship.
Take a look at what surrounds you. If you constantly have to say “no” to various temptations, this implies that you end up in tempting situations on a regular basis. There will always be temptations, but we should work to avoid the occasion of sin.
SIX STEPS to get back on track:
RECOGNIZE your mistakes and admit your faults, but do not let yourself get preoccupied with them. Like everyone else, you are not perfect, so give yourself the freedom to forgive yourself and then decide to overcome your weakness. You have to want healing for yourself.
REPENT. Spiritually, sin cuts us off from God, and this is the most serious consequence of premarital sex. After going too far, many of us know all too well that cloud of guilt that weighs on our hearts. The solution is not to kill our conscience, but to follow it to freedom. It is calling us, not condemning us. You have to realize that you do have a problem, so come to God as His child, asking for His grace. Ask Him to forgive you and heal you, not only in this area of weakness, but also of any other wounds or vulnerabilities, however deep or old they might be, that might have contributed to your problems in this area. Come to Him in the great Sacrament of Reconciliation and experience His mercies. People often think that because they have lost their virginity, purity will always be out of their reach. It's not. Just as a person who has led a pure life can fall into immorality, a person who has sinned can return to purity. To be pure, it is necessary that your heart be directed to God. In His eyes, the repentant prostitute is purer than the lustful virgin. He forgives, heals, restores, and encourages us, but we must come to Him with sincere hearts.
RESIST the temptation to give in to destructive thinking. You do have control and you do have dignity. Sure, you may have made mistakes, but do not identify yourself by them.
Refrain from bad relationships and make a clean break from any unhealthy relationships you are in now. Do not let fear stand in the way and do not run elsewhere to find the fulfillment and wholeness that only god can give you.
RESOLVE to to live in purity. Change the way you approach relationships.
To begin with, there should be a season of friendship before you rush into a romantic relationship. A lot of people become “more than friends” without spending much time being friends- which often ends up meaning they are really less than friends. Whenever you are considering doing something with a guy, ask yourself if you would do that if Jesus were in the room. In our hearts, we all know what is pleasing and displeasing to God.Part of the process is moving away from bad situations, but the other half is moving into good ones. You have to want it for yourself, so set your guidelines, write them down before you enter a relationship, and STICK BY THEM! When it comes to standards, we will get what we settle for.
RENEW yourself through prayer. God will truly work wonders in you. He will change your heart and show you what real love is.
If a man loves a woman, he will wait for her. Not only that, he will wait WITH her, because he has the same values and will focus on guarding her purity as well as his own.
** Are there even any good guys out there?! Sometimes it seems like ALL they're concerned about is one thing. That's what I wondered as I had been dating people. This got really frustrating, because I was looking SOO hard for a good guy who I could trust to honor and respect me. Then it hit me: God led Adam to Eve. I decided to be like Eve, and to be patient and let God lead a good guy to me. Then I took the thought of being like Eve even further; to being like the new-eve, which is Mary, the Virgin Mother of God. Her stellar purity meant that everything about her was abundantly filled with divine grace. She now sees God in Heaven because she saw Him while on earth. So, I encourage you, instead of looking for the ideal guy, become the ideal girl and let him look for you.
Each of us benefits from the purity of Mary. Regardless of how difficult it is to be pure, it is possible. By abandoning ourselves to God as Mary did, we open ourselves to fresh opportunities of achieving purity.
St. Maria Gorretti did just this.
Maria was born in 1890. She lived in a small farming village in Italy. She had a great love for the blessed Virgin Mary. She desired but one thing in life: fidelity to Jesus at any price, even at the cost of her life. Soon after receiving her First Holy Communion, Maria heard a girl tell an indecent joke. Her immediate reply was: “How could you so soon forget Jesus? I would rather die than talk of such things.”
The Goretti family lived in a farmhouse with another family, the Serenellis. Alessandro was the eldest boy and he was attracted to Maria. One day, Alessandro whispered something into Maria's ear. Her horrified reply was clear as she said, “No, No, it is a sin, I will not commit a sin.” On another occasion, Alessandro grabbed hold of Maria. She sunk her nails into his face until he let her go. He threatened to kill her if she ever told her mother and Maria feared for her life, so she remained silent. Alessandro waited for his opportunity. On a hot day in June, both Alessandro and Maria's families were in the fields and Maria was inside alone, doing her chores. Alessandro chased Maria around and pins her to the ground with his knee. Pointing a knife at her, he tells her to give in to him or he will kill her. Maria told him no, that it was a sin. In a fury of rage and lust, Alessandro stabbed Maria fourteen times. Shortly after her death, a church was built in Maria's honor and her body was to be moved there. When her casket was opened 27 years after her death, her body was completely intact. In life, Maria refused to allow sin to decay her soul and in death, God would not allow corruption to decay the chaste body of Maria. She was named a saint by Pope Pius 12th.
St. Jerome asks: “Who will glory in having a pure and chaste heart if he doesn't use all the safeguards to protect that purity?”
The first and best safeguard of chastity is the practice of prayer, because a person who has the habit of prayer will most surely turn to God at the first stirring of the sexual urge.
An easy way to start is a devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mother.
If you've never had a special devotion to Mary, begin by asking her to intercede for you in obtaining the grace of purity. With grace, you wills see that a pure life is not the life of a prude. It's the life of a pure woman, in love with her God, and full of hope.
The 'yes” of Mary and St. Maria Gorretti to live a pure and chaste lifestyle is possible with God, because the love of God has been poured into our hearts by the holy Spirit. (Rom. 5:5). Tap into that and ask God for the grace to be pure.
While the loss of virginity has to do with the past, chastity has to do with today. Regardless of what happened last week or last year, you are still worth waiting for. Maybe you went farther than you should've; lost your virginity, or it was taken from you. Either way, you still have yourself to give. Beginning today, pursue a life of purity.
~Christina Rae
God is love
~Tpain"3Oh!Se7en"
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